Date Mate

Now it is a difficult time in the today dating world. Boys and girls are picky, and many decide they want to live their lives alone rather than with someone who does not fit into their criteria. However, every night brings more meetings at coffee shops, nights at the movies, and romantic dinners, where two lonely people are trying to decide if they are compatible. First impressions are important. Follow these tips to avoid disaster on a first date

• Be Prepared -A woman loves a man with a plan. Guys, she'll know you're really interested if you take some time to plan the date and take her somewhere creative.

• Have No Expectations - Don't expect your date to act or be a certain way. This will only disappoint you. Try to appreciate them for who they are no matter if you see a second date in the future or not. There is something that you can learn from everyone you meet and from all of your experiences. If it does not work out, don't get frustrated. Just appreciate what you learned from the experience and keep looking. "When you decide to be with a person, don't try to change anything about them." .

• Look your Best - Your date will appreciate that you have taken some effort in getting ready for your date, even if it is just having a shower! Bad breath or strong body odor can win you a ticket straight to Dumpsville.

• It's not about What you say but How you say it -"60% of all human communication is non-verbal and 30% is your tone." . Be yourself and have confidence. Have a positive attitude towards the date, be open and communicative, smile, relax and have fun.

• Show Interest - If you are interested, a little bit of innocent flirting can be sexy. Even if it's just a way that you look at them, or possibly a touch on the shoulder, but make sure you are getting some positive vibes back from your date before taking this too far.

• Listen and Respond - Look your date in the eye and attentively listen to them. "That way when it's your turn to respond, you'll have something better to say than 'I like your mouth'"

• Tell the Truth - Always be honest about who you are and your past. "You don't need to pretend to be something else. When you pretend to be what you are not, you are always going to fail"

It’s a common perception that women dissect men on first dates. Some dating screw-ups that my women friends have written about men include:

“Do not look at her and say, ‘Why’d you get so dressed up?’”

“Do not say, ‘Wow, did you just wolf that chicken down?’”

“Do not mention that any other girl is hot, even if she is hot.”

But when you ask men what women do wrong on dates, you get mostly shrugs and silence. Therefore, it’s easy, as a woman, for you to think that the only thing you need to do on a date is to show up and look cute. And, yes, it definitely helps.

However, there’s a lot more to being a great date than simply being attractive.

What often gets lost by women – especially smart, successful, busy ones – is that your second date depends on how you make the guy FEEL on the first date.

See, men don’t value women for the same reasons women value men. They’re not as concerned with what you do professionally, where you live, how much you’ve traveled, how much real estate you own, or how many other plans you have that don’t involve him.

What they want to know is that you are fun, easygoing, and appreciative. In other words, they’re putting on a show, and they want to know that you’re enjoying it. Yet some of the most impressive women emasculate their first dates unintentionally – just by trying to run the date like they’d run a meeting at work.

I know an attractive 35-year-old lawyer. She’s sweet. Has a big heart. A couple of homes. And yet she couldn’t help overruling her date when he suggested they meet at the Olive Garden. He let her have her way, but then, on the date, she couldn’t help asking him what he was thinking when he suggested a chain restaurant. It’s not that she was wrong for feeling like he could have been more creative or generous; it’s that she made her date feel bad about himself.

And what guy wants to be with a woman who makes him feel bad about himself?

Understand – it’s not that he doesn’t care who you are or value your opinions. It’s that he cares far more about how you react to him and make him feel when you’re together.

So put away the Blackberry, look him in the eye, compliment his shirt, ask him questions, laugh at his jokes, gently touch his knee, and thank him for picking up the tab.

If he’s putting on a show, the least you can do is let him know he’s doing a good job.

Men try to impress too much rather than being impressed by the woman across from them.

One of the top complaints I hear from women about men on a first date is that men talk too much about themselves, they don't listen well and they don't make an effort to get to know the women they are out with. One woman adds, "...and trying to get to know my sexually doesn't count!"


Bottom line: If you truly want to impress a woman on a first date, be impressed by her.

Be curious

Ask your date questions that are both open-ended and specific. Rather than saying "Do you like living here?" which may lead to a conversation dead-end, try "I heard you grew up in the South. How's the lifestyle and culture there different from here?" An open-ended question is more likely to start a dialog and make your date feel like you are interested in learning more about her, which generally increases her interest level.

Just remember: A date isn't a job interview. There's no need to play 20 questions without contributing your own thoughts. After you ask a question and hear her response, join the conversation!

Listen actively

Make eye contact with your date and make sure you are genuinely listening to her, rather than anticipating the next thing you will say. I understand that in some cases, we ladies use a lot of words (on average, double the word count of you guys!) - but we really notice when a man stops listening to what we're saying or looks around the room while we are talking. In fact, many women I've interviewed have complained that men will ask them something they have already spoken about moments before. Turn off!

Be naturally confident

When men are trying too hard to impress - by sharing their resume and earning potential or by ordering food for a woman without asking her what she would like (another complaint from women I've polled) - women deduce that the man they are out with is insecure.

Stay upbeat on a first date and always show your funny side - those are two qualities that rank very high in attracting a woman.

Most of all, be yourself (unless yourself is naturally self-involved!). When you are relaxed, putting your attention on the other person and having fun, you will exude a quiet confidence. And - there's nothing sexier than that.

Mind games? PRETTY MUCH! This is so old skool talk. You decide for yourself if it has any validity. Let’s just say, they don’t call it the dating “game” for no reason…

The other had to do with how my grandmother felt about my grandfather courting her. She made it pretty clear to me that she wasn’t attracted to him. So her second piece of advice…
“Look for a good man. The love will follow.”

Tying in the first piece of advice to the second, I think the reason she was able to “run” and he “followed” is because she wasn’t initially interested anyway!

Well, she didn’t care what he looked like, or the fact that he had a dictator-like aura about him.


Basically she’s telling me, who the heck cares what he looks like! Who cares if being around him doesn’t make your palms sweaty and your heart race?

Yeah. Ummmm… That’s me, raising my hand in the back.

I care.I can’t help it.I like cute boys.

I blame it on the privileges our post-feminism world affords. More on that later. Possibly, actually, most definitely the media has had an influence.

(Mind you, my version of “cute boy” doesn’t mean he’s cute to everyone else. My best friends know my type. They can spot him from a distance. And believe me, my “type” surely doesn’t garner the same kind of admiration from their point of view. But I don’t care what they think about how he looks. Heck, I guess I don’t care about how he looks, as long as at some point he does make me nervous… makes my palms sweat… makes my heart race. By that time, by all standards, he’ll fit the “he’s cute” bill in my book.)

Back to post-feminism world privileges. Women can work and take care of themselves physically. So the old adage my grandma was probably used to, of finding a husband who has a good job and a good character, regardless of how you feel about him sexually, regardless of your lack of physical attraction… Well, the only thing that still holds up today as far as her advice is concerned is making sure you’re with a man of good character.

Why? Because women can bring home the bacon. (or for all you Adventists out there… the MorningStar Stripples) And because women aren’t ashamed to admit they actually have a sexual appetite and not just any good-hearted, hard working boy with a steady income can satisfy that hunger.

Sometimes I feel shallow because I only date men I’m sexually attracted to….

Then I remember that men display identical tastes to mine, preferences that tend toward the young and professionally pulchritudinous. Women my mother’s age have told me to find a man who would be a good father and provider, meaning: food, shelter, a steady income—stability. I smile and refrain from telling them that I can afford my own food and rent and that my friends and family give me support and love. About the only thing that I can’t give myself is that flush of excitement upon locking eyes (and lips) with a [guy I'm physically drawn to]. -Min Lieskovsky

Yes, I may have much to learn about love since I’m young and naive… but I don’t think I’ll ever settle for a guy who doesn’t in the least tempt me to have inappropriate thoughts. Those thoughts are pure in the context of marriage, but if before marriage, I’m not even tempted to think them…. it’s a BAD sign! If you’re a Christian, read 1 Cor 7: 4. It’s a command. When you get married, your body doesn’t just belong to you anymore. So, if you choose someone you’re sexually attracted to, at least it’ll be more of a pleasure than a “duty” to fulfill!