Date Mate

It’s a common perception that women dissect men on first dates. Some dating screw-ups that my women friends have written about men include:

“Do not look at her and say, ‘Why’d you get so dressed up?’”

“Do not say, ‘Wow, did you just wolf that chicken down?’”

“Do not mention that any other girl is hot, even if she is hot.”

But when you ask men what women do wrong on dates, you get mostly shrugs and silence. Therefore, it’s easy, as a woman, for you to think that the only thing you need to do on a date is to show up and look cute. And, yes, it definitely helps.

However, there’s a lot more to being a great date than simply being attractive.

What often gets lost by women – especially smart, successful, busy ones – is that your second date depends on how you make the guy FEEL on the first date.

See, men don’t value women for the same reasons women value men. They’re not as concerned with what you do professionally, where you live, how much you’ve traveled, how much real estate you own, or how many other plans you have that don’t involve him.

What they want to know is that you are fun, easygoing, and appreciative. In other words, they’re putting on a show, and they want to know that you’re enjoying it. Yet some of the most impressive women emasculate their first dates unintentionally – just by trying to run the date like they’d run a meeting at work.

I know an attractive 35-year-old lawyer. She’s sweet. Has a big heart. A couple of homes. And yet she couldn’t help overruling her date when he suggested they meet at the Olive Garden. He let her have her way, but then, on the date, she couldn’t help asking him what he was thinking when he suggested a chain restaurant. It’s not that she was wrong for feeling like he could have been more creative or generous; it’s that she made her date feel bad about himself.

And what guy wants to be with a woman who makes him feel bad about himself?

Understand – it’s not that he doesn’t care who you are or value your opinions. It’s that he cares far more about how you react to him and make him feel when you’re together.

So put away the Blackberry, look him in the eye, compliment his shirt, ask him questions, laugh at his jokes, gently touch his knee, and thank him for picking up the tab.

If he’s putting on a show, the least you can do is let him know he’s doing a good job.